Do you ever feel at a loss for what to say around your wife? Maybe you are aware she’s really upset, but she’s not talking to you and can hardly make eye contact or be in the same room. Now sometimes people just need some time to cool off a bit. But other times this may be a sign of an emotional shut down. Or maybe it’s not that at all. Maybe she seems just kind of empty and sad at times and you don’t know how to make her happy again. Or neither of those. Maybe your wife is just fine and is absolutely content in life so you don’t really have a use for reading about things she may want to hear you say. And if that’s the truth, go you! However, if there’s even a seed of doubt about that (which there probably should be), you may want to just question that a little bit and check in with yourself and maybe even your wife to see if there’s anything else she’d love to hear from you.
Here are 3 things your wife wants to hear you say:
1) Thank you, I appreciate everything you do for me/us.
There’s this funny thing about how women tend to be socialized. Maybe not everyone, but a lot of us. We’re often raised to nurture and serve others. This usually isn’t a bad thing at all! The problem is that somewhere along the way, it can feel like an expectation from others and often where there’s an expectation, there’s little to no gratitude. So genuine “thank you’s” are super nice to hear and major bonus if they are about a specific act. And if you have children, mentor them to show gratitude to their moms too!
2) How can I help?
This kind of goes hand in hand with the first one. Because women are often used to nurturing and serving, they get used to doing so without asking for help. Sometimes we don’t want to burden others by doing so and other times maybe we’re being stubborn or prideful. And probably many other reasons in between. But we can get burned out without even realizing it and before you know it, resentment and bitterness are the internal expressions of our stress. So even offering to lend a hand or just check in to see if we need help can be a kind gesture that goes a long way!
3) If I had the chance to do it all over, I would marry you again in a heartbeat.
Relationships are tough. You know that, we know that. So many changes happen throughout a marriage. Growth, successes, losses, you name it. People change. Sometimes your wife is aware she is a different woman than she was when you first married her. Maybe she looks different, she’s not quite as vivacious or exciting as she used to be or maybe she’s just tired all the time now. Chances are she’d love to hear you say you’re still very glad you married her because _______ and because _______ and because _________ (you fill in the blanks).
If words of affirmation aren’t your wife’s thing, just know that sometimes words are still kinda nice but also you can do all of these things with out using words. Let her know how much you’ve noticed she’s been working so hard lately and you’d like to spend some quality time with her, just name the date and you’ll set aside that time just for her. Stop by the store and pick up something you know she often buys so she has it on hand for next time. Send flowers. Plan a vow renewal ceremony for your next anniversary. Give her a hug and a kiss by way of leaving and greeting each time!